In Her Memory: A Promise of Truth and Resilience.
On September 5th, 2005, the world as I knew it irrevocably shifted with the departure of my beloved sister, Meaza Amsalu Lebneh. This date doesn't just mark the anniversary of her loss; it evokes a period of profound change and the challenging yet transformative journey that followed. Amidst our shared struggles within a divided family, my sister and I found strength in each other, forming a bond that was both loving and supportive against the backdrop of our mother's skewed affections.
Our mother, while a source of division, also provided us with certain privileges and opportunities. Early in our lives, she instilled in us a sense of potential that broadened our horizons. However, as we matured and began to assert our independence, the very opportunities she facilitated became sources of her resentment, complicating our relationship further.
Our quest for emancipation was driven by a need to escape the confines of a household where disparity reigned. Unlike many, we forged our own path to independence, devoid of parental support, driven by a fierce determination to break free.The decision to leave our home country for America was a monumental step, not just geographically but in our personal narratives, liberating us from the shadows of manipulation that had loomed large over our upbringing.
Growing up, my sister and I were subjected to stark disparities in how we were treated compared to our younger siblings.This treatment wasn't just favoritism; it was a strategic manipulation by our mother, assisted by her confidants, to position herself and her favored children in better circumstances—often at our expense. The emotional and financial neglect we endured was akin to being left in a state of severe deprivation, a state that mirrored the abandonment and disregard one might feel in utter destitution.
Forever Young: Captured here, our smiles unburdened by the world, her spirit—a beacon of kindness that knew no bounds. Perhaps deep down, she knew her time to shine would be bright and brief.
She lived as though every moment was a gift, embracing
This move to America marked not just a physical relocation but a hopeful attempt at starting anew. Sadly our family dynamics followed us across borders. After our mother ended her marriage, she found herself in a precarious situation and believed that her survival depended solely on her first two children—my sister and me. Initially, I resisted this narrative, wary of the manipulative undertones it carried. However, my sister, more vulnerable to our mother's influence, found herself embroiled in conflict with me over these expectations. This discord marked a painful chapter in our relationship, one that I reflect on with both regret and understanding.
The aftermath of my sister's death brought a wave of grief and disorientation, leaving me susceptible to the very manipulations I had once resisted. Seizing this opportunity, my relatives convinced me that honoring her memory meant assuming the burdens she carried - providing for them, facilitating their move to America, fulfilling their perceived entitlements. This narrative, cloaked in tribute and honor, was persuasive, leading me down a path of sacrifice in the name of preserving her legacy. Only later did I realize it served their interests more than it truly honored her.
The manipulation intensified with the exploitation of my grief, using my sister’s memory and imagined wishes to control my actions and decisions. This cunning tactic locked me into a role I hadn't chosen, further perpetuating their influence.
Today, as I remember her on this solemn anniversary, I choose to focus not on the sorrow or the missteps but on the profound sense of purpose her presence instilled in me. Her spirit continues to guide and inspire me, reminding me of the power of truth, the importance of genuine relationships, and the enduring nature of love. My journey to understand the depths of our experiences is far from over, but it is fueled by a commitment to truth, healing, and the resilience to withstand and challenge the forces that seek to manipulate under the guise of love and protection.
On this day, I honor Meaza not just with memories but with a renewed commitment to live authentically, advocating for awareness and resilience against the manipulative dynamics that once threatened to overshadow our paths. Her legacy is one of love and strength, and it is with this legacy that I move forward, ever inspired, ever hopeful. Ultimately, there are things in life over which we have no control. Her untimely departure has taught me to find peace in knowing she is in a better place, a place she's meant to be, just as I am finding my own path where I am meant to be. Perhaps the lesson isn’t just about overcoming or avoiding becoming like my mother—it's about transcending my circumstances to become something better. If I can do that, then I haven't lost—I've won.
